I have only completed about 23 of my life right now and amongst everything that I have learnt from life experiences, I have learnt something very interesting and important. How you feel right inside (sometimes in the throat, sometimes in the chest and sometimes even in the stomach) when you see someone after a considerable amount of time of not seeing them tells you so much about how exactly you feel about that person. Sometimes it gives you the same feeling it used to be but sometimes you just get a different feeling altogether. It can be a feeling of irritation and then you know you never really liked the person even though you might have pretended well earlier to the point of even making yourself believe that u like him/her. It can be a feeling of relief and you know some how you care for that person. You might not be best buds and all but you care, and so you feel relieved to know the person is still present in this planet. It can be a butterflies in your stomach feeling. That is a sure proof that even if you never knew you had a crush on him/her, now you can be pretty sure that you definitely do. Another factor that has to be considered is how long you knew or interacted with that person for. If its long enough, like your child-hood best friend or your parents or your sister, there is only one feeling you get when you see them after a long time. Pure happiness. It assures you that these are the people who are meant to be in your life, forever, when you might not have any of the above mentioned people in your life. However this theory of not-seeing-someone-for-a-long-time-and-then-seeing-them works best for people you have known for a lesser amount of time. For obvious reasons of course, your mind or heart has not yet decided about the person’s long term existence in your life. Now there is this one feeling you get of surety , of comfort and calm when you see that person after a long time. The restlessness you have been having say for the last few days disappears. Be assured my love, this person is going to mean something much more than what you feel about him/her right now. Now there is just one contradiction. Sometimes just say like once out of a 100, there might come a feeling of confusion, when you don’t know if you are happy or sad or excited or relieved or you just feel plain blah or you feel an interesting mix of all the feelings after seeing that someone. What then is the significance of that person in your life? Although I do believe ‘mixed-feelings’ can be thrilling, like some of those Mexican chilli pickled mangoes which make your taste buds go nuts, makes your mouth salivate like crazy, where you don’t want to but can’t help feeling excited like a stupid person to salivate that much (you see the brain goes ahead to deduce salivating as a normal phenomenon which occurs due to some form of excitation). So someone who can give you these mixed feelings, what role is that person supposed to play in your life? May be I would need another couple of years to figure that out, or may be it doesn’t need figuring out. So these mixed-feelings can play the role of null or void for the theory. The point where the theory starts to do a dancing jiggle and jumps out of the window and ceases to exist!
Last few days have been a little hard on me. From my nice big room which had enough air and sunlight in it, where I was given fresh food ( even though it tasted same every day), I came into this small room which smells a lot of pee and shit and is very noisy. The same species of people who used to give me food and water in my previous room, live in this room too but they are so lazy. They don’t bother to change my water bottle or the food or the husk where I pee and shit . Now, I have got used to the fact by now that I have to live in this weird metal mesh top box like structure but the other-room-people at least gave me a fresh and clean box every day. A relief is that I have my friends with me, these two other guys have been living with me for as long as I can remember. They even helped me get the attention of this girl I liked in one of the other boxes. I used to lift myself up with the help of these friends and do swings by hanging myself on the metal mesh. I saw her smile twice and boy that made my day! However, all that is history now. I have to live in this shitty room which doesn’t have enough cool air and most strangely, sun rises and sets differently in this room. Even my sleep is disturbed. I hate this world.
I am so worried. One of those people just grabbed one of my friends and took him out of my box right now. And it’s been over an hour and he is not back, I can’t even see anything beyond it’s long two limbs to see what it is doing to him. Oh I hope he is okay!
My friend is not back. I think they did something to him. I am beginning to hate this world’s people. Today they crossed all limits. They grabbed me, put me on a table first. When I tried to escape to go back my box they pulled my tail in a way that I could not move a single body part. Then they lifted me up to face them and right there I saw two things. Something very sharp and pointed coming at me and the people/animal’s face who was holding me. It put that pointy thing inside my throat and some bitter thick semi solid stuff went inside and I was almost about to choke. I coughed bad and opened my eyes to see that the animal was smiling. So my pain made it smile. I felt sad and disgusted with it. It did the same thing to me two times more till I was put back in the box. I complained over and over again to my only friend in my box and he tried to calm me down till I just got tired and fell asleep.
The people have been doing the same thing to me over and over again every day for the last 5 days. My friend had been spared so he was strong enough to support me through this. Today however when they took me out to do it again, I had decided I would try my best to run and not give up this time. I was surprised the animal who took me out today, looked smaller, had bigger hair from the head and looked a little scared. I was happy. This was my chance. The moment it tried to hold me tight I turned my head and bit the finger holding me, so tight that I did not let it go even when the screams filled my ears. The animal jerked it’s hand and let me go and I ran for my life. Suddenly when I was just about to jump off, take my leap of faith, I was grabbed with my tail, and held so tight that I felt all the air being pushed out of my lungs. The animal turned me to face it’s face and then I saw, that big face with hair over the face and a beaming smile and suddenly I felt something very sharp and pointed prick my stomach. The pain was too much to take, my insides started burning. Right after I was laid down on this cold place on my back and that animal started pushing pointed things right through my hands and legs to get me stuck to that cold place. Oh god, it was better they killed me. So much for trying to run away. Finally it started to fade, and then It was all dark.
I was scampering around to see what they were doing to him, I could not jump out of it to save him, they had me enclosed in a place with huge walls. Why were they tearing out his insides, will he live after this? Did they kill him? My heart was racing so fast. They did not force feed me the same way, will they do the same to me? And suddenly I saw that bearded faced animal’s hands coming to grasp me with something very sharp and pointed held in the other hand and I knew what was going to happen. Numbness spread through my body and in that last moment of my life all I could think was, dear god, don’t make anyone else ever be born as a lab-rat!
( My attempt to feel a tiny little portion of the immense pain that these little white lab rats go through every day. A tribute to them who sacrifice (or we forcefully take) their lives for a better future for us,Human Beings.)