Another first post

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I am not apologetic anymore of not writing something in my blog. As usual, I was not short of ideas but I was short of inspiration and motivation, giving too much crap about how so many other and/or new people were affecting my life and now again I am back in my phase of not giving a shit about all of it and just care about my work (which is also sometime soon going to change to giving a bulls crap to all of it). I have realized that anything and everything in my life oscillates like a sinusoidal curve. Up and down. starting from money, body weight, excitement, enjoyment, sadness, irritation and happiness. Its been twelve days into another new year and just like a little kid I still feel happy about getting a chance to have a fresh start, fresh perspective on life every 365 days. More than anything the thing about not knowing what is going to happen in the next 365 days gives me goosebumps. Maybe I am maturing with each passing year because for the first time more than making resolutions for the new year I wanted to list down things I learnt from the last year. Its not a recapitulation of all the bad or good things that happened but of the new ways I learnt to live life in a better way. lets start, shall we?

1. I can most definitely live alone. Make food for myself, clothe myself, pamper myself and in the middle of the night make my way across a huge empty dark house to get a glass of water and not just keep lying thirsty in bed.

2. I can adjust and live with completely new people , harmoniously (by which i mean no fist fights) in one house and actually be happy about it.

3. I am strong in ways I didnt know I was. I can turn my face away from the two people I love the most in this world to walk alone into an airport to board an airplane that would take me halfway across the world away from them. I have the strength to disconnect video calls and not go into fits of depression every time.

4. I can make new friends who don’t necessarily hate me. I can actually have fun with them. They even turn up at midnight to wish you birthday!

5. I learnt to deal with death of someone so fucking close to my heart.

6. I started believing even more strongly in miracles. its a miracle alright when you meet someone you could love among-st a thousand strange faces. Someone who gets you and doesn’t judge you one bit.

7. Most importantly I finally understood that its enough if you have two or three people close to your heart, who don’t tear you apart every now and then, you don’t need more. Its really not size that matters, its quality!

I dont know how this year is going to be for me. I am going to make plans again, I am going to give my all again. I am going to try to make the people around me happy again and only hope that this year is even better than the last one with newer places and faces and old ones right here, close to my heart!

love and hugs,
Tiy

Positive thoughts or just coincidence ?

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When I was 5 years old my sister had taught me to wish on a fallen eye lash. Take the fallen eye lash off of your cheek put on your fist, close your eyes, make a wish and blow it away. If you cant see it when you open your eyes your wish will come true. I am 23 years old now and unless I have been too sweaty where I knew the lash is going to stick to my fist and not fly away , I have wished on a fallen eye lash. Believe it or not every wish I have made has come true. In “the-invisible-beings-who-make-your-wish-come-true” ‘s defense , I have never made wishes that cannot come true. Most of then revolved around some exam or some stuck situation in my or some body else’s life and I wished for it to get better. In the last couple of years I have started putting in deadlines for those wishes just to see if its that accurate, turns out it is.

I read this book called Secret by Rhonda Byrne (okay, I did not finish it but I read most of it) , which said if you think about what you want hard enough and strong enough, if you want it bad enough, you will have it, the world will give it to you. The world is shaped by how we think and your thoughts control everything. I did not like the book, seemed so vaguely stupid to me at that time. However I probably was part of a revolutionary group my past life, I have this unfathomable need to prove things wrong when I think they are wrong, I revolt , strong. So I decided to test it out and to my shock that book was not lying. I cannot list out the things (more appropriately situations) here that changed because I wanted it and thought about it strong enough and hard enough ( even wishing on a fallen eye lash on it) but if you have believed what I have written until now, you will believe this one too. I have not studied that kind of science which can define theories like this but being a person, a normal person whose very basic inclination is to not believe a cockamamie theory ends up thinking may be it was all nothing but coincidence. However is it not too coincidental for it to be coincidental so many times!

Think about it!

Tiy

Share a dessert?

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Why does getting a little piece of what we cannot have make us so happy?

Just ten minutes back I was a witness to my mother breaking a cream roll into three unequal pieces. The largest one for herself, then a one inch long piece for me and a small half an inch long piece for my dad and then we enjoyed our pieces with blissful happiness. Now now, it was me who got that sinfully delicious cream roll from a patisserie which is basically my mum’s favourite. So from time to time when I feel I have not treated her with one of those for a long time I go and get one of them for her. Why don’t i get three for all three of us? Because, my dad is diabetic and hence he is not allowed and as for me, I should better stay away from such sinful delights considering the increasing girth around the mid region of my body. Hence, if I don’t get any for both of us automatically we stay away from that.  However over many many centuries mothers are known for their kindness all around the world. She sees the way both of us try to deliberately look away when she is enjoying her treat, how he forcibly tries to concentrate on the newspaper or I may be in my laptop. So just out of kindness and mostly pity she started doing that, breaking little pieces out of her whole cream roll and giving it to us like a mother bird feeds her babies in the nest and all the babies are happy after! Since then it has become a ritual in our house whenever I grace my mum with a cream roll from that patisserie.

It actually got me thinking today that what is it about the things that we cannot have or are not allowed to have, that having even a tiny piece of it makes us happy if not satisfied. Smokers all over the world who are trying to quit will just be happy with a puff of one from a friend or foe for that matter! Diabetics all over the globe are just banking on their relatives or friends or anyone to just share some dessert with them. A small piece of a brownie or a spoon of some crème fresh cake is enough to make them happy. A shopaholic who is not allowed to buy any shoes will just be happy to go into a shop and just try on a beautiful pair and that itself is happiness. For someone who is trying to quit drinking, a sip of wine is enough for his whole evening.

May be it is because in one of those small moments when you are enjoying what you love most , just for those few seconds you forget that the world doesn’t approve of what you are doing. Just for those few seconds it’s you and your beloved, against the world and it gives the heart a rush that every person needs once in a while to feel alive, to feel the heart exactly where it is beating and pumping blood in your body. It does not need to be beautiful after, or before, but those few seconds are just pure perfection. To say in a word bliss! It is for this feeling that we go such lengths for a tiny piece of a chocolate or a cake or a puff of smoke or a sip of wine and how much can people really judge you for having such a small amount of what makes you happy. And don’t we all agree to the saying, “a little bit o’ somethin’ never hurt anybody!” Am I right or am I right?

 

The Theory

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I have only completed about 23  of my life right now and amongst everything that I have learnt from life experiences, I have learnt something very interesting and important. How you feel right inside (sometimes in the throat, sometimes in the chest and sometimes even in the stomach) when you see someone after a considerable amount of time of not seeing them tells you so much about how exactly you feel about that person. Sometimes it gives you the same feeling it used to be but sometimes you just get a different feeling altogether. It can be a feeling of irritation and then you know you never really liked the person even though you might have pretended well earlier to the point of even making yourself believe that u like him/her. It can be a feeling of relief and you know some how you care for that person. You might not be best buds and all but you care, and so you feel relieved to know the person is still present in this planet. It can be a butterflies in your stomach feeling. That is a sure proof that even if you never knew you had a crush on him/her, now you can be pretty sure that you definitely do. Another factor that has to be considered is how long you knew or interacted with that person for. If its long enough, like your child-hood best friend or your parents or your sister, there is only one feeling you get when you see them after a long time. Pure happiness. It assures you that these are the people who are meant to be in your life, forever, when you might not have any of the above mentioned people in your life. However this theory of not-seeing-someone-for-a-long-time-and-then-seeing-them works best for people you have known for a lesser amount of time. For obvious reasons of course, your mind or heart has not yet decided about the person’s long term existence in your life. Now there is this one feeling you get of surety , of comfort and calm when you see that person after a long time. The restlessness you have been having say for the last few days disappears. Be assured my love, this person is going to mean something much more than what you feel about him/her right now. Now there is just one contradiction. Sometimes just say like once out of a 100, there might come a feeling of confusion, when you don’t know if you are happy or sad or excited or relieved or you just feel plain blah or you feel an interesting mix of all the feelings after seeing that someone. What then is the significance of that person in your life? Although I do believe ‘mixed-feelings’ can be thrilling, like some of those Mexican chilli pickled mangoes which make your taste buds go nuts, makes your mouth salivate like crazy, where you don’t want to but can’t help feeling excited like a stupid person to salivate that much (you see the brain goes ahead to deduce salivating as a normal phenomenon which occurs due to some form of excitation). So someone who can give you these mixed feelings, what role is that person supposed to play in your life? May be I would need another couple of years to figure that out, or may be it doesn’t need figuring out. So these mixed-feelings can play the role of null or void for the theory. The point where the theory starts to do a dancing jiggle and jumps out of the window and ceases to exist!