A dive to 25

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There are like 5 people in this world who really care about whether I am writing or not and if I am not then when would I next write. In reply, I tell them, there is only one combination of things that makes me write, sadness plus free time and in the last many months I have not had either. There are two reasons for that:

  1. I found Mr. C. He keeps me happy and far away from sadness.
  2. I joined a lab as a PhD student and all hell broke loose. Never did I realize it could be this hard, crazy, challenging, demanding to be a graduate student (I had several warnings I agree, but as it’s said you never believe until you see for yourself).

Therefore, what did my life turn into? Waking up going to lab, going to classes, working, studying, tests and quizzes every Monday, writing papers, writing abstracts, more and more and more data analysis, data presentations and to close the deal altogether with crying. Everybody told me it’s hard being a graduate student and guess what, I think it’s harder!

In between everything, I turned 25!

That’s a big deal! Traditionally it’s a quarter of a life and dreadfully I am just 5 years away from the big 3 OH!

Guess what I did to celebrate my oncoming quarter life crisis, I jumped off a perfectly good plane from 18000 feet.

I always told everyone that I wanted to sky dive, that I wanted to see how earth looked from up above and feel like what flying feels like but right at the moment where I was crouching in front of an open airplane door with a stranger strapped to my back, looking down to nothing but white fluffy clouds, I realized this might be the best or the worst mistake in my life. And then, I jumped.

What followed felt like dying, going to heaven and coming back to life. Initially just a whirlwind fall where I passed out for 3 seconds and came back to senses , opened my eyes, saw that I was still falling, going through clouds and rushing towards small brown squares of lands with small green spots, then opened my arms and felt like I was riding air and finally the parachute opened. That jerk over there brought me back to senses and switched my conscious brain back on. Finally I was aware of what was happening, and that I did it, I dived from a plane into nothing and my parachute worked, so I was going to live. That was when I opened my mouth to speak and told a complete stranger that I loved my parents, sister, grandma and Mr. C. and if the same Mr. C. had not jumped out of the same plane before me, I would never have been able to experience those last 2 and a half most surreal minutes of my life. In my defense, I was high then. It was the adrenaline rush going down.

Sky diving is the best mistake I have ever made and may be turning 25 would be the second best. And, now I know, I don’t always need sadness plus free time to write, I need to experience life to write about it!

Until next time,

Tiy.

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Not a new girl in Miami

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Most days writing does not come running up to me to be written and then there are some days when I end up thinking about every thing but what I really need to write and end up writing some crap here. Today is one of those days. I woke up sad and depressed thinking about all the adult like decisions I need to make and the pros and cons for them a.k.a Monday blues. Miami sometimes makes Monday blues impossible. Imagine how a grey cloudy rainy day would have been a perfect and conducive environment for my Monday blues to be nurtured and nourished and it would have flourished into a total and complete depressed day but turns out today had to be a scorching sunny hot day turning my blue feeling into anger.

I am into making lists, I make lists of everything. In fact I love making lists so much that one time I had made a list of all the things I need to make a list of. In about a month and 4 days its going to be a year of being in Miami for me. about a year back I had written a post about a new girl in miami. Today let me list down five things about Miami that makes me want to fall in love with this city..

1. Most of my dust allergies are gone because this place is not that dusty. I always knew living close to the coast is where my ideal habitat would be but I did not know it would be so ideal. forget dust, this place is also low on pollen which turns out makes me sneeze so hard I could recoil and go to heaven (bless me!).

2. Miami’s weather is as unpredictable as my mood swings when I am on my periods. You better look at the weather forecast before going out to know if you should carry your rain boots or not. Also, if it starts raining chances are it would stop in 15 minutes so just wait around because if you think you could just run and make it to your destination before the rain comes pouring be ready to be amazed. It takes 10 seconds for it to start pouring!

3. Pray to all the gods , old and new to have Publix in almost every nook and corner of the city. I know people who say the only two things you miss about Florida when you move out of here is the sunshine and Publix and I presume they are absolutely right.

4. You never have to think about shoveling snow out of your drive way or for that matter even bother taking out those thick and heavy jackets. In Miami there is no harsh winter which is perfect for a tiny person like me who starts shivering when its 62 degrees.

5. Last but definitely not the least, its difficult to not find something to do here to fill up your weekends unless of course you want to be a lazy ass and being that is your thing (also I wont lie , I do like to a lazy weekend every once in a while) but you can always find something to do here. outdoors or indoors, go shopping, go swimming or go to some garden or some lake, go to a bar or a club or a pub or if nothing works out you always have the near perfect white sandy beaches to go take a dip in. Unless (*deep breath*) you have a boat then just pull it out and go for a ride. oh, have I already said it enough number of times? I am a beach person. That is my thing!

In addition to the above points, I found my person, right here in this city and that just makes everything better. Home is where heart is and Miami could as well be my second home. Its accepting, not judgmental and would teach you how to enjoy mojitos and move your waist to upbeat reggae-tone songs. So its almost fall and therefore time for a set of newbies to come venturing into the city, this goes out for them. You are going to be as scared as I was but you are going to be okay and for a change a city like this will help you instead of making you feel alone.

Love
Tiy

One of the many beach days

One of the many beach days

one of the many beautiful sunsets

one of the many beautiful sunsets

To think and not to over-think

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I recently found this online, and It is not funny!

Is it really true that women obsess to no end about things that really is not that big a deal? I really want to know, and I am extending out this question to anybody who reads this post, please tell me what you think! Especially when it comes to men, why is it so difficult to understand them? Or is it that it is very simple to understand them yet we are the ones who make it difficult on ourselves by over-thinking it, by tying multiple knots on a string that was already untangled and straight and making it even more complicated than it actually was? What is so different in our heads that forces us to make small things bigger and big things gigantic?  Is it true that men really don’t give that much of a thought to something which is probably a big deal in our head?  

I mean seriously, I have been told not once not twice but multiple numbers of times that I am making something too big a deal, blowing it out of proportions and only ending up torturing myself in the process. And, I am also sure, I am not alone. My friends are literally accused of the same too. If I were alone I would just think I have some mental condition and look for help with a shrink!

Did God intend for such a kind of gap to exist between men and women? Did Eve too blew things out of proportion in her head and Adam was happily chewing away an apple? Or did evolution have something to do with it? Or the way society has shaped us? Is it in our genes or is it environmental? May be men go to some school of their own and learn strategies to not think too much, not fret too much, just be spaced out and chilled all the time. Women should just hire spies and learn their trade. May be that is the solution!

I am a student of science, and maybe I should study more on the difference between that single small second X chromosome that we have and the Y chromosome that men have. Is that all it is? The difference in a chromosome and a couple of hormones in the body that is completely fucking our heads up!

To state one but simple example, I might think I had a fight and lose sleep over it, stay up all night to only think that a call back is going to be my only sign, the only sign which will tell me that I wasn’t wrong and then it will be all okay. However on the other side of that fight, there is a guy, sleeping peacefully without even knowing that they had one. How often do the girls have to hear that common line, “Oh, you made it all up in your head.”? What the hell is this? Haven’t we all noticed how girls study and study and look through the pages of the book until the last moment before an exam is about to start? Have you ever noticed the opposite sex? They are chillin away!

I am reading a book by a neuroscientist named V.S.Ramachandran called The Tell Tale Brain. The most fascinating thing that I have come across in this book till now is the presence of a particular type of neurons in the brain called mirror neurons. These mirror neurons are responsible for the plasticity in brain, or in simple words it helps our brain learn from our own experiences and from the other people’s experiences that we get to know in any way. To say in a simple example, when someone drinks water from a glass in front of you, your mirror neurons will trigger the same events in your head and draw mental picture of you drinking water from a glass. Haven’t you noticed, in a room when one person drinks water, simultaneously so many others in the room realizes they are thirsty and drink water too? Anyway, I won’t delve into further technicality of the neurons or the book but these particular neurons really struck my interest. These neurons help us form opinions and basically program us as we grow up hearing the things we hear and seeing the things we see. So does that mean if a boy grows up in a world where every person who he knows or whoever he interacts with thinking he is a girl, it’s going to change the whole dynamics of it? Will he now begin to think just like girls do? Will the vice-versa be true too?  Therefore it is not the X or Y chromosome and the hormones but the mirror neurons?

I know I sound very sexist right now, but sexism is practically existent in the society like some lecherous weed. You cannot get rid of it by just cutting it, you have to find the roots and take it out completely and that is what I am trying to do, trying to find the roots. I am sure I am not the first one talking about this but I am definitely one more person talking about it. Hopefully that counts!

Yes, this post was full of questions and no answer whatsoever coming out of retrospection and introspection of the whole subject matter. But, I am hoping I will be able to get some answers after this. And ladies, please don’t take it personally because I used a lot of generalizations here. I am aware that there are exceptions everywhere, girls who don’t over think and men who go crazy thinking and I love it and respect it.

So let’s chill out arright? Lets try to think about it like a man and come up with answers! (I was trying to sound like a man, did that come out right?)

 

 

Being a girl friend’s girl friend

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ImageMen all around the world after dating their girl for about a year or so show typical signs of boredom towards the relationship. Safe to say the honeymoon period is over and long gone, and multiple fights are most ungraciously welcomed. At this point of time a particular person starts playing a very important and noteworthy role in their lives. The girl friend’s girl friend!

She starts playing the role of a psychologist, analyst, psychiatrist, sibling, a pillow, a self help book, a personal diary, a late night radio station for the woeful and sometimes even a WALL. She listens and nods and provides possible solutions and scenarios and even revenge plans. If nothing seems to cheer her up she just says she has no idea how the whole fucking world can treat her girl friend this way and they are all a bunch of morons and hands her a tub of ice cream ( from a safe distance of course, you never know, a spoonful of it might just come hurling at you without any real intention of hitting you.

However you must be wondering how this particular breed of women managed to accept this job description and carry it out with such grace, without complaints, over centuries (may be I am exaggerating I don’t know!). The answer is, remuneration. That phone call and an elated voice on the other side after a huge fight is over ( with the boy friend of course!) is just enough inspiration needed to prepare her for the same routine all over again. Yes that’s how girls are, suckers for happiness. Suckers for a happy relationship, even if it is not her own but her best friend’s. It gives her just enough hope she needs to believe in her own present/future happy relationship that she has/wants. Lets face it, we all live because of constant hope.

So this is my message to all the boyfriends out there. In that one fine day when you see the most beautiful girl marrying you in front of your families and fiends without a hint of shame or fear in her eyes, make sure to send a thank you note to your wife’s girl friend. If not for her patience and multiple talents ( to be still and not make a single movement, pretending to be a wall is also a talent!) , you would not have been able to keep such a keeper! 

Happy Valentine’s Day! 

Are you a door mat?

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In the first place, it has been quite long that I have written anything in this blog. Blah blah half written posts in microsoft word blah blah could not find inspiration blah blah. Only thing is I had been lazy, super lazy. Lazy to even think. So, after a long, absolutely unadventurous day in which I spent major part of it watching some american sitcom and waiting for a call, I realized I absolutely wasted a day. Now in the last few months I have wasted a lot of days ( I have utilized few too, don’t have to feel sad for me yet!) doing exactly the same thing I did today but some how or the other it turned out differently by the end of it. May be the call made the difference or I was just too blinded or deafened to notice! Well, I think I reached my breaking point today!

Many people reach breaking points in lots of situations or conditions, for example too tired of a relationship or a friendship or a job or even a hobby or someones attitude or someones disrespect. A breaking point leads to the end of tolerating that particular condition or situation, and to my imagination, I always thought,  it would be preceded by a massive, like in gigantic proportions, a drum roll. However mine had no drum roll in it, only a pathetic growl from meercat (yes, I substituted this for something else) to tell me what a waste my whole day was, waste of mental energy, waste of emotional energy. It brought back memories from all those times in the last so many years when I have invested mental and emotional energy in doing exactly the same thing over and over again. whose fault is this? the numerous people that I have expected to do something,and they didn’t?  The numerous people who treated me like a door mat and I let them? The numerous people who I definitely thought were close to me showed me over and over that they weren’t? (okay, again, I have lovely people in my life too and this doesn’t apply to them, so dont feel sorry for me yet!) Naaaaah! It was my fault. Only I am to be blamed. I let them. And, this might be because of a particular drawback of mine, I have no sense of perception. I can never understand how a person actually is, I take them for their face value, believe them for who they show them to be. Right after being a very jealous woman in the first postion, this comes second in the list of,  ” Things God got wrong about Tiyash”.

So coming back to my breaking point, it was strong enough to make me write this blog. Now I know making new year resolutions is one the dumbest things people can do. No one sticks to them and its just a way to console yourself. So this resolution that I am making is not a new years one, but a ‘new me’ one. I am so so far from awesome that every day it will be my motive to try to learn from the curve balls live throws at me and keep making small adjustments and fittings day by day so that one day I can say I have learnt from life and tried to get as close to that awesome human being that one can be! Hence my resolution, ” I am not going to be a door mat anymore” or at least try my hardest, I mean it.

And to the readers of this particular post ( which I am sure I will be able to baby count them on my fingers) stop being a door mat! I hope you reach your breaking point sooner than I did, trust me when I say it is not a joy ride! So what say , its time for them to stop taking candies out of my bag and start putting in some goodies into it just as returning
a favor to begin with! 😉 

door mat

TEN things I hate about myself

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the first image to appear on google search with the words, love and hate

TEN things I hate about myself

1)        I am short. An individual of  my length can be called as a tiny human being in this world. Personal opinion.
2)        I have a roundish body. My cheeks are round and so are my shoulders. I wish I were naturally leanish. But, I am not.
3)        I have a crooked nose. Nose defects runs in the family but I have a noticeably bad and hilariously bent one.
4)        I am a big time jealous bitch. I get jealous of everyone and everything. I am jealous of pretty actors. I am jealous if someone does something better than me. I am jealous if someone starts getting close to my best friends. And, let’s not even get close to anyone I have a crush on! (I blame my birth sign for it. It’s a scorpion’s inherent characteristic u see. I can’t help it. *innocent eyes*)
5)        I have this uncontrollable urge to say no to things people ask me to do or rather force me to do. It is absolutely uncontrollable. Sometimes I even understand that my best interest lies in that, however I cannot force myself to do it, my body and my brain revolts against my heart. (there have been times when I have done the same thing I have been asked to do, at a later time, when I am not being asked to do it. Strange psychology, I know! I need a shrink, do I??)
6)        I get mad so so so easily. It’s maddening! It takes me a tick to get angry. A little rude behaviour from someone ticks me off. A little show of attitude ticks me off. I am like a ticking bomb, however it’s also true that after the explosion it takes very little time to cool and the depressing realisation sets in, that I might have over-reacted! Grrrr!
7)        I tend to get bored very easily and change my mind more frequently than i wish to. Till date I have not stuck to any hobby long enough. Stamp collecting-1 year, painting-4 years, dancing-9 years, swimming-2 years, gymming-6 months, different kind of sports-on and off. This being true that I really love doing every activity above, I hate it when I have to do it continuously for a longer period of time. I simply get bored.
8)        I am very confused most of the times especially regarding my future and what I really want from life. I have an unnecessary urge to please people. I just keep thinking without reaching any conclusion. In the end I feel clueless.
9)        I am very melodramatic sometimes and I shed my tears on unnecessary occasions. However, I can’t cry when its actually serious. My tears gather every belonging they have and make a flight.
10)     I love sleeping and I love sweets (anything sweet, give it to me, I will love it!)

It is not fair if I end my post with that. State all the things I hate about myself and run away?! Naahh! I believe in happy endings! (<- the melodramatic streak in action). And to be fair to myself, let me put down another list here.

Ten things I love about myself

1)        I am short. I can easily hide anywhere if necessary. For as long as I can remember I have been sleeping in every boring lecture, un-noticed, whereas lots of other class mates have been caught. I can wear short clothes and they don’t look that short on me, they look, well, cute!
2)        I am curvy and I love it! I thank my body creator everyday for not making me stick thin and giving me curves so that my clothes fit well. I can carry off almost(stress on almost) every sort of clothes I wear.
3)        I have a funnily bent nose and that is exactly the reason why a nose stud looks fabulous on me. I can carry it off with traditional or western clothing!
4)        I love my close friends and best friends dearly. My love knows no bounds. I don’t judge them or make snarky remarks or comments at them or behind them. If I tell someone they mean something to me, they actually do. And, I am possessive therefore i get jealous if I see them getting close to someone else.
5)         I do what I want to do. I follow my instincts. There are hardly things that people can make me do if i don’t want to do it. It can be called as being stubborn too but then i think its a good thing. To stick to what you believe in and in a way stand up for it.
6)        I know how to apologise and i need to apologise to people more frequently than i wish for. I apologise with all my heart and mean it and don’t budge till I am forgiven. (point to be noted is I apologise to people who really mean something to me and to whom I know I have wronged in behaving the way that I have.)
7)        I am an enthusiast. I have had many hobbies over the years and hope that the number keeps increasing with passing time . I love doing new things It might be a simple thing like trying some new kind of food or as adventurous as zorbing. I consider myself as an adventurous person and aim to try every adventure sport that comes my way. It makes me feel alive and breathing, to feel the presence of my own body is exhilarating!
8)        The way that I feel clueless sometimes, like utterly and absolutely clueless makes me feel young, like i still have a long long way to go, to decide what I am going to choose as my career path! It is sort of a delusion, I understand, but I still love that trans state that I get in sometimes.
9)        Melodrama brings out the best in me, I find my right words that many a times take trouble coming out, I feel superfluous. So what if its a little over the top? Everyone likes a little melodrama here and there.
10)     I love sleeping  and I love sweets ( again, literally anything sweet, give it to me, I will love it.) I think these two particular qualities make me the adorable sweet heart that I am! ( yes I have a humour too, and yes I can crack jokes on my self! I am not a coward!)

ALL RIGHT!! Enough of self obsession for the day.  Adios!