A problem named first world problem


I have recently started this diet, of eating extremely healthy, which was necessary considering my weight was increasing with a speed of a released kraken. By extremely healthy meaning, every time I look at a piece of bread, in my head I put two thick slices of processed cheese on it, microwave it for 10 seconds and gobble it up. In reality however, I have not eaten bread for a week now. Yesterday as I was eating my egg white omelette for lunch, I wanted to throw up. Guess what gives egg their taste, the yolk. Guess where that egg white came from? a box! However, I was so hungry that I did not care how much I wanted to throw up, I still ate it all. When I finished my lunch and I was wondering to myself, sitting at a mandatory seminar I had to attend, that, three years back, I would not even buy a box that said egg whites, because the only way I knew how to obtain egg whites was this extremely artistic and complicated procedure of breaking an egg in such a way that the yolk stayed in and only the whites came out, a process only experts could manage to do. Three years back, I did not have egg whites available to me in a box at a price that was affordable. Three years back I was not living in a so called first world country. Back in my not so first world country, I could grab some bread and eggs fried in some mustard oil and wrapped in a dark brown looking paper from a man selling that outside my college for about 20 cents. Oh, the satisfaction that brought me. I could regularly eat that and not gain an inch on my waist. Of course most of that got cleansed out of my system by the diarrhea that followed. I never needed a cleansing diet before. Now this could also be that I was younger and hence my body’s metabolism was different or I would walk and take public transport to most places instead of getting into a car and getting out of the car that i do now. In any case, earlier, all I knew for a clean diet was eat some boiled rice and potatoes at home. Even while writing that down I am salivating thinking of good old carbs.

I digressed, so coming back to what I was saying, sitting at that seminar I realized , even I have first world problems now. I had a problem with my egg white omelette. I am on a diet in which i do not eat carbs to shed the weight I gained from eating carbs in the first place, and going to work in a car every day, having no time to go to the gym that is available to me for free. I have a water fountain right outside my door in my work place and a couple weeks back I complained that they should install an automatic sensor water bottle filling station, something I did not know even existed three years back. I remember a couple years back , I was sitting with my sister making fun of first world problems. Just so you know, she has been living in one of the first world countries for almost a decade now, so she would tell me about all these things people complain about like not enough phone charging stations around, not enough different kind of coffee creamers available, how can someone only have 2 % milk, 3 % milk is what they are used to, they might be allergic to 2%. Oh wait, you forgot about the soy milk?! what if the person is lactose intolerant. And i almost forgot gluten, poor innocent gluten, sitting at a corner being stared at by everyone. People these days want everything gluten free, even when they are not even close to being allergic to it. Gluten is what makes your break spongy, it is not harmful. Few people may have allergies to it but that’s about it! Everyone does not stop eating shrimps if there is a person who is allergic to shrimp!

Is it okay though? To complain about such things when there is so much available to you, so much at your dispense, so many options and yet we complain. I understand its human nature to do so, to not be satisfied with what you have, does not matter how much you do. What is not okay is to do it stupidly. There must be some kind of reality check from time to time. My reality check is where I am from, my roots, it makes me feel stupid for complaining about something like egg whites.when you think of it in a  bigger perspective, does it really matter? I think first world countries need more reality checks, more than the options of kinds of milk they have available. May be sugar coating everything (literally ) is not doing so good. The sense of being grateful is so hard to instill these days, everyone feels they are entitled to things, specially when I see kids on hover boards. That thing makes me so angry. Anyway, what is the solution to all this? how do we make kids or adults feel grateful for having the options and not complain about silly things, the so called first world problems?










Beautiful things from the months that are gone..


I stumbled upon my own blog after a long long long time. So this old friend of mine started a blog, and under fortunate circumstances, I had like 15 minutes to breathe between lab work and data analysis and there in few of the first posts in my facebook newsfeed, I saw his blog, I even clicked on it, it opened easily, was easy to read, I read his posts and then the “follow” button popped up, which followed by remembering I had my own blog followed by amazing robotic memory of my computer that remembered my log in id and password even after all this time and logged me in. This post did not have a title until I finished writing all of it and finally figured out what this post was about.

Just as an update, I am still a graduate student, still living in the same place, different house, still struggling to breathe and relax between the incredible amount of work load. However, I am a little closer to graduation than I was last time, so that’s a ray of hope. I have also managed to not let Mr.C get away and still trying to do fun things to keep my spirit from dying under something called PhD.

Let me tell you about some of the beautiful things I did or saw in the last few months.

  1. I saw the moon through a telescope. It was unimaginable to see the craters on the moon for the first time in my entire life. It is true, you do feel small, incredibly small when you are looking at something so big. That thing about realizing you are only a bacteria on the face of earth is so liberating.
  2.  Sunsets are really pretty in Miami. If you want to see some evidences of it and you cannot visit Miami yet, check out my instagram (@tiyashp). So, Mr. C found this place which is basically close to the port of Miami and gives you sunset in the back and buildings in the front sunset view. Believe me, that was one of the best sunsets I have seen in a while. I was mesmerized. To sit looking at it with a glass of wine in your hand could be a pretty good Friday evening. IMG_20170217_233212_430
  3. I had a bike accident last January, and after almost a year after that, I biked again this January for about 5 miles. Even if I ended up with excruciating pain after, it was worth it, to be able to overcome the fear of sitting and riding a bike again.
  4. I went home and saw my parents and grandma after almost 3 years. The whole vacation seems surreal now that I think of it, almost like it never happened and it was all a dream, mostly because it was all over so soon, but none the less, it gave an amazing end to my last year.
  5. Last year, also for the first time in my life, I had a real Christmas tree at home. Every time I opened the door to my house, it had that beautiful smell of pine, I had never felt more Christmassy in my life. IMG-20161219-WA0022

On that note, let me bring this post to an end. I promise to come back soon with more, with a better idea in my head to write about and more words in my pen (key-board).


With love,


A dive to 25


There are like 5 people in this world who really care about whether I am writing or not and if I am not then when would I next write. In reply, I tell them, there is only one combination of things that makes me write, sadness plus free time and in the last many months I have not had either. There are two reasons for that:

  1. I found Mr. C. He keeps me happy and far away from sadness.
  2. I joined a lab as a PhD student and all hell broke loose. Never did I realize it could be this hard, crazy, challenging, demanding to be a graduate student (I had several warnings I agree, but as it’s said you never believe until you see for yourself).

Therefore, what did my life turn into? Waking up going to lab, going to classes, working, studying, tests and quizzes every Monday, writing papers, writing abstracts, more and more and more data analysis, data presentations and to close the deal altogether with crying. Everybody told me it’s hard being a graduate student and guess what, I think it’s harder!

In between everything, I turned 25!

That’s a big deal! Traditionally it’s a quarter of a life and dreadfully I am just 5 years away from the big 3 OH!

Guess what I did to celebrate my oncoming quarter life crisis, I jumped off a perfectly good plane from 18000 feet.

I always told everyone that I wanted to sky dive, that I wanted to see how earth looked from up above and feel like what flying feels like but right at the moment where I was crouching in front of an open airplane door with a stranger strapped to my back, looking down to nothing but white fluffy clouds, I realized this might be the best or the worst mistake in my life. And then, I jumped.

What followed felt like dying, going to heaven and coming back to life. Initially just a whirlwind fall where I passed out for 3 seconds and came back to senses , opened my eyes, saw that I was still falling, going through clouds and rushing towards small brown squares of lands with small green spots, then opened my arms and felt like I was riding air and finally the parachute opened. That jerk over there brought me back to senses and switched my conscious brain back on. Finally I was aware of what was happening, and that I did it, I dived from a plane into nothing and my parachute worked, so I was going to live. That was when I opened my mouth to speak and told a complete stranger that I loved my parents, sister, grandma and Mr. C. and if the same Mr. C. had not jumped out of the same plane before me, I would never have been able to experience those last 2 and a half most surreal minutes of my life. In my defense, I was high then. It was the adrenaline rush going down.

Sky diving is the best mistake I have ever made and may be turning 25 would be the second best. And, now I know, I don’t always need sadness plus free time to write, I need to experience life to write about it!

Until next time,



Another first post


I am not apologetic anymore of not writing something in my blog. As usual, I was not short of ideas but I was short of inspiration and motivation, giving too much crap about how so many other and/or new people were affecting my life and now again I am back in my phase of not giving a shit about all of it and just care about my work (which is also sometime soon going to change to giving a bulls crap to all of it). I have realized that anything and everything in my life oscillates like a sinusoidal curve. Up and down. starting from money, body weight, excitement, enjoyment, sadness, irritation and happiness. Its been twelve days into another new year and just like a little kid I still feel happy about getting a chance to have a fresh start, fresh perspective on life every 365 days. More than anything the thing about not knowing what is going to happen in the next 365 days gives me goosebumps. Maybe I am maturing with each passing year because for the first time more than making resolutions for the new year I wanted to list down things I learnt from the last year. Its not a recapitulation of all the bad or good things that happened but of the new ways I learnt to live life in a better way. lets start, shall we?

1. I can most definitely live alone. Make food for myself, clothe myself, pamper myself and in the middle of the night make my way across a huge empty dark house to get a glass of water and not just keep lying thirsty in bed.

2. I can adjust and live with completely new people , harmoniously (by which i mean no fist fights) in one house and actually be happy about it.

3. I am strong in ways I didnt know I was. I can turn my face away from the two people I love the most in this world to walk alone into an airport to board an airplane that would take me halfway across the world away from them. I have the strength to disconnect video calls and not go into fits of depression every time.

4. I can make new friends who don’t necessarily hate me. I can actually have fun with them. They even turn up at midnight to wish you birthday!

5. I learnt to deal with death of someone so fucking close to my heart.

6. I started believing even more strongly in miracles. its a miracle alright when you meet someone you could love among-st a thousand strange faces. Someone who gets you and doesn’t judge you one bit.

7. Most importantly I finally understood that its enough if you have two or three people close to your heart, who don’t tear you apart every now and then, you don’t need more. Its really not size that matters, its quality!

I dont know how this year is going to be for me. I am going to make plans again, I am going to give my all again. I am going to try to make the people around me happy again and only hope that this year is even better than the last one with newer places and faces and old ones right here, close to my heart!

love and hugs,

When a candle burns all night


Yesterday night I had a candle burning in my room all night and when I woke up my whole room was lit up from the glow of one tiny candle and smelled of wild flowers. After about two months I slept so well in this new place and woke up feeling something, that I could change my life at any time , at any point of time I want. I can stop talking to people who hurt me, and to the ones who play hot and cold with me ( I had never liked that game even as a child ) , I can just care less and enjoy this tiny little insignificant amount of time I have to spend living in this world. I actually have that power in my hands, to give it a serious try to shape how I want my life to be. It is after all up to me. Sounds like I am high right? May be I am, not on booze or drugs though, just on the candle which burnt all night.

Yesterday night I went to bed thinking today I am going to write about the eternal game of sexes that begins every time a boy tries to woo a girl or vice versa. The first level being “lets see who texts first ” the next one being ” lets see who calls first ” and then the most torturous level of the hot and cold game which slowly unravels if the other person is really into the person whose trying to woo or not. The levels keep getting harder and more painful yet every person goes through it so willingly.

However today I don’t want to write about it anymore. I am going to the everglades later and that’s all I know about my day. I am not going to try to figure out anything more. I might think a little bit more about my candle. It gave me a fresh perspective on life. It did make me think that if I could change the way I sleep with just a candle burning in my room all night I could definitely change my life for the better with that same flame burning inside me longer than a night and stronger than before.

The Inside Story



Last few days have been a little hard on me. From my nice big room which had enough air and sunlight in it, where I was given fresh food ( even though it tasted same every day), I came into this small room which smells a lot of pee and shit and is very noisy. The same species of people who used to give me food and water in my previous room, live in this room too but they are so lazy. They don’t bother to change my water bottle or the food or the husk where I pee and shit . Now, I have got used to the fact by now that I have to live in this weird metal mesh top box like structure but the other-room-people at least gave me a fresh and clean box every day. A relief is that I have my friends with me, these two other guys have been living with me for as long as I can remember. They even helped me get the attention of this girl I liked in one of the other boxes. I used to lift myself up with the help of these friends and do swings by hanging myself on the metal mesh. I saw her smile twice and boy that made my day! However, all that is history now. I have to live in this shitty room which doesn’t have enough cool air and most strangely, sun rises and sets differently in this room. Even my sleep is disturbed. I hate this world.
I am so worried. One of those people just grabbed one of my friends and took him out of my box right now. And it’s been over an hour and he is not back, I can’t even see anything beyond it’s long two limbs to see what it is doing to him. Oh I hope he is okay!
My friend is not back. I think they did something to him. I am beginning to hate this world’s people. Today they crossed all limits. They grabbed me, put me on a table first. When I tried to escape to go back my box they pulled my tail in a way that I could not move a single body part. Then they lifted me up to face them and right there I saw two things. Something very sharp and pointed coming at me and the people/animal’s face who was holding me. It put that pointy thing inside my throat and some bitter thick semi solid stuff went inside and I was almost about to choke. I coughed bad and opened my eyes to see that the animal was smiling. So my pain made it smile. I felt sad and disgusted with it. It did the same thing to me two times more till I was put back in the box. I complained over and over again to my only friend in my box and he tried to calm me down till I just got tired and fell asleep.
DAY 10
The people have been doing the same thing to me over and over again every day for the last 5 days. My friend had been spared so he was strong enough to support me through this. Today however when they took me out to do it again, I had decided I would try my best to run and not give up this time. I was surprised the animal who took me out today, looked smaller, had bigger hair from the head and looked a little scared. I was happy. This was my chance. The moment it tried to hold me tight I turned my head and bit the finger holding me, so tight that I did not let it go even when the screams filled my ears. The animal jerked it’s hand and let me go and I ran for my life. Suddenly when I was just about to jump off, take my leap of faith,  I was grabbed with my tail, and held so tight that I felt all the air being pushed out of my lungs. The animal turned me to face it’s face and then I saw, that big face with hair over the face and a beaming smile and suddenly I felt something very sharp and pointed prick my stomach. The pain was too much to take, my insides started burning. Right after I was laid down on this cold place on my back and that animal started pushing pointed things right through my hands and legs to get me stuck to that cold place. Oh god, it was better they killed me. So much for trying to run away. Finally it started to fade, and then It was all dark.

I was scampering around to see what they were doing to him, I could not jump out of it to save him, they had me enclosed in a place with huge walls. Why were they tearing out his insides, will he live after this? Did they kill him? My heart was racing so fast. They did not force feed me the same way, will they do the same to me? And suddenly I saw that bearded faced animal’s hands coming to grasp me with something very sharp and pointed held in the other hand and I knew what was going to happen. Numbness spread through my body and in that last moment of my life all I could think was, dear god, don’t make anyone else ever be born as a lab-rat!

( My attempt to feel a tiny little portion of the immense pain that these little white lab rats go through every day. A tribute to them who sacrifice (or we forcefully take) their lives for a better future for us,Human Beings.)