A problem named first world problem


I have recently started this diet, of eating extremely healthy, which was necessary considering my weight was increasing with a speed of a released kraken. By extremely healthy meaning, every time I look at a piece of bread, in my head I put two thick slices of processed cheese on it, microwave it for 10 seconds and gobble it up. In reality however, I have not eaten bread for a week now. Yesterday as I was eating my egg white omelette for lunch, I wanted to throw up. Guess what gives egg their taste, the yolk. Guess where that egg white came from? a box! However, I was so hungry that I did not care how much I wanted to throw up, I still ate it all. When I finished my lunch and I was wondering to myself, sitting at a mandatory seminar I had to attend, that, three years back, I would not even buy a box that said egg whites, because the only way I knew how to obtain egg whites was this extremely artistic and complicated procedure of breaking an egg in such a way that the yolk stayed in and only the whites came out, a process only experts could manage to do. Three years back, I did not have egg whites available to me in a box at a price that was affordable. Three years back I was not living in a so called first world country. Back in my not so first world country, I could grab some bread and eggs fried in some mustard oil and wrapped in a dark brown looking paper from a man selling that outside my college for about 20 cents. Oh, the satisfaction that brought me. I could regularly eat that and not gain an inch on my waist. Of course most of that got cleansed out of my system by the diarrhea that followed. I never needed a cleansing diet before. Now this could also be that I was younger and hence my body’s metabolism was different or I would walk and take public transport to most places instead of getting into a car and getting out of the car that i do now. In any case, earlier, all I knew for a clean diet was eat some boiled rice and potatoes at home. Even while writing that down I am salivating thinking of good old carbs.

I digressed, so coming back to what I was saying, sitting at that seminar I realized , even I have first world problems now. I had a problem with my egg white omelette. I am on a diet in which i do not eat carbs to shed the weight I gained from eating carbs in the first place, and going to work in a car every day, having no time to go to the gym that is available to me for free. I have a water fountain right outside my door in my work place and a couple weeks back I complained that they should install an automatic sensor water bottle filling station, something I did not know even existed three years back. I remember a couple years back , I was sitting with my sister making fun of first world problems. Just so you know, she has been living in one of the first world countries for almost a decade now, so she would tell me about all these things people complain about like not enough phone charging stations around, not enough different kind of coffee creamers available, how can someone only have 2 % milk, 3 % milk is what they are used to, they might be allergic to 2%. Oh wait, you forgot about the soy milk?! what if the person is lactose intolerant. And i almost forgot gluten, poor innocent gluten, sitting at a corner being stared at by everyone. People these days want everything gluten free, even when they are not even close to being allergic to it. Gluten is what makes your break spongy, it is not harmful. Few people may have allergies to it but that’s about it! Everyone does not stop eating shrimps if there is a person who is allergic to shrimp!

Is it okay though? To complain about such things when there is so much available to you, so much at your dispense, so many options and yet we complain. I understand its human nature to do so, to not be satisfied with what you have, does not matter how much you do. What is not okay is to do it stupidly. There must be some kind of reality check from time to time. My reality check is where I am from, my roots, it makes me feel stupid for complaining about something like egg whites.when you think of it in a  bigger perspective, does it really matter? I think first world countries need more reality checks, more than the options of kinds of milk they have available. May be sugar coating everything (literally ) is not doing so good. The sense of being grateful is so hard to instill these days, everyone feels they are entitled to things, specially when I see kids on hover boards. That thing makes me so angry. Anyway, what is the solution to all this? how do we make kids or adults feel grateful for having the options and not complain about silly things, the so called first world problems?









Beautiful things from the months that are gone..


I stumbled upon my own blog after a long long long time. So this old friend of mine started a blog, and under fortunate circumstances, I had like 15 minutes to breathe between lab work and data analysis and there in few of the first posts in my facebook newsfeed, I saw his blog, I even clicked on it, it opened easily, was easy to read, I read his posts and then the “follow” button popped up, which followed by remembering I had my own blog followed by amazing robotic memory of my computer that remembered my log in id and password even after all this time and logged me in. This post did not have a title until I finished writing all of it and finally figured out what this post was about.

Just as an update, I am still a graduate student, still living in the same place, different house, still struggling to breathe and relax between the incredible amount of work load. However, I am a little closer to graduation than I was last time, so that’s a ray of hope. I have also managed to not let Mr.C get away and still trying to do fun things to keep my spirit from dying under something called PhD.

Let me tell you about some of the beautiful things I did or saw in the last few months.

  1. I saw the moon through a telescope. It was unimaginable to see the craters on the moon for the first time in my entire life. It is true, you do feel small, incredibly small when you are looking at something so big. That thing about realizing you are only a bacteria on the face of earth is so liberating.
  2.  Sunsets are really pretty in Miami. If you want to see some evidences of it and you cannot visit Miami yet, check out my instagram (@tiyashp). So, Mr. C found this place which is basically close to the port of Miami and gives you sunset in the back and buildings in the front sunset view. Believe me, that was one of the best sunsets I have seen in a while. I was mesmerized. To sit looking at it with a glass of wine in your hand could be a pretty good Friday evening. IMG_20170217_233212_430
  3. I had a bike accident last January, and after almost a year after that, I biked again this January for about 5 miles. Even if I ended up with excruciating pain after, it was worth it, to be able to overcome the fear of sitting and riding a bike again.
  4. I went home and saw my parents and grandma after almost 3 years. The whole vacation seems surreal now that I think of it, almost like it never happened and it was all a dream, mostly because it was all over so soon, but none the less, it gave an amazing end to my last year.
  5. Last year, also for the first time in my life, I had a real Christmas tree at home. Every time I opened the door to my house, it had that beautiful smell of pine, I had never felt more Christmassy in my life. IMG-20161219-WA0022

On that note, let me bring this post to an end. I promise to come back soon with more, with a better idea in my head to write about and more words in my pen (key-board).


With love,


A dive to 25


There are like 5 people in this world who really care about whether I am writing or not and if I am not then when would I next write. In reply, I tell them, there is only one combination of things that makes me write, sadness plus free time and in the last many months I have not had either. There are two reasons for that:

  1. I found Mr. C. He keeps me happy and far away from sadness.
  2. I joined a lab as a PhD student and all hell broke loose. Never did I realize it could be this hard, crazy, challenging, demanding to be a graduate student (I had several warnings I agree, but as it’s said you never believe until you see for yourself).

Therefore, what did my life turn into? Waking up going to lab, going to classes, working, studying, tests and quizzes every Monday, writing papers, writing abstracts, more and more and more data analysis, data presentations and to close the deal altogether with crying. Everybody told me it’s hard being a graduate student and guess what, I think it’s harder!

In between everything, I turned 25!

That’s a big deal! Traditionally it’s a quarter of a life and dreadfully I am just 5 years away from the big 3 OH!

Guess what I did to celebrate my oncoming quarter life crisis, I jumped off a perfectly good plane from 18000 feet.

I always told everyone that I wanted to sky dive, that I wanted to see how earth looked from up above and feel like what flying feels like but right at the moment where I was crouching in front of an open airplane door with a stranger strapped to my back, looking down to nothing but white fluffy clouds, I realized this might be the best or the worst mistake in my life. And then, I jumped.

What followed felt like dying, going to heaven and coming back to life. Initially just a whirlwind fall where I passed out for 3 seconds and came back to senses , opened my eyes, saw that I was still falling, going through clouds and rushing towards small brown squares of lands with small green spots, then opened my arms and felt like I was riding air and finally the parachute opened. That jerk over there brought me back to senses and switched my conscious brain back on. Finally I was aware of what was happening, and that I did it, I dived from a plane into nothing and my parachute worked, so I was going to live. That was when I opened my mouth to speak and told a complete stranger that I loved my parents, sister, grandma and Mr. C. and if the same Mr. C. had not jumped out of the same plane before me, I would never have been able to experience those last 2 and a half most surreal minutes of my life. In my defense, I was high then. It was the adrenaline rush going down.

Sky diving is the best mistake I have ever made and may be turning 25 would be the second best. And, now I know, I don’t always need sadness plus free time to write, I need to experience life to write about it!

Until next time,



Not a new girl in Miami


Most days writing does not come running up to me to be written and then there are some days when I end up thinking about every thing but what I really need to write and end up writing some crap here. Today is one of those days. I woke up sad and depressed thinking about all the adult like decisions I need to make and the pros and cons for them a.k.a Monday blues. Miami sometimes makes Monday blues impossible. Imagine how a grey cloudy rainy day would have been a perfect and conducive environment for my Monday blues to be nurtured and nourished and it would have flourished into a total and complete depressed day but turns out today had to be a scorching sunny hot day turning my blue feeling into anger.

I am into making lists, I make lists of everything. In fact I love making lists so much that one time I had made a list of all the things I need to make a list of. In about a month and 4 days its going to be a year of being in Miami for me. about a year back I had written a post about a new girl in miami. Today let me list down five things about Miami that makes me want to fall in love with this city..

1. Most of my dust allergies are gone because this place is not that dusty. I always knew living close to the coast is where my ideal habitat would be but I did not know it would be so ideal. forget dust, this place is also low on pollen which turns out makes me sneeze so hard I could recoil and go to heaven (bless me!).

2. Miami’s weather is as unpredictable as my mood swings when I am on my periods. You better look at the weather forecast before going out to know if you should carry your rain boots or not. Also, if it starts raining chances are it would stop in 15 minutes so just wait around because if you think you could just run and make it to your destination before the rain comes pouring be ready to be amazed. It takes 10 seconds for it to start pouring!

3. Pray to all the gods , old and new to have Publix in almost every nook and corner of the city. I know people who say the only two things you miss about Florida when you move out of here is the sunshine and Publix and I presume they are absolutely right.

4. You never have to think about shoveling snow out of your drive way or for that matter even bother taking out those thick and heavy jackets. In Miami there is no harsh winter which is perfect for a tiny person like me who starts shivering when its 62 degrees.

5. Last but definitely not the least, its difficult to not find something to do here to fill up your weekends unless of course you want to be a lazy ass and being that is your thing (also I wont lie , I do like to a lazy weekend every once in a while) but you can always find something to do here. outdoors or indoors, go shopping, go swimming or go to some garden or some lake, go to a bar or a club or a pub or if nothing works out you always have the near perfect white sandy beaches to go take a dip in. Unless (*deep breath*) you have a boat then just pull it out and go for a ride. oh, have I already said it enough number of times? I am a beach person. That is my thing!

In addition to the above points, I found my person, right here in this city and that just makes everything better. Home is where heart is and Miami could as well be my second home. Its accepting, not judgmental and would teach you how to enjoy mojitos and move your waist to upbeat reggae-tone songs. So its almost fall and therefore time for a set of newbies to come venturing into the city, this goes out for them. You are going to be as scared as I was but you are going to be okay and for a change a city like this will help you instead of making you feel alone.


One of the many beach days

One of the many beach days

one of the many beautiful sunsets

one of the many beautiful sunsets

Another first post


I am not apologetic anymore of not writing something in my blog. As usual, I was not short of ideas but I was short of inspiration and motivation, giving too much crap about how so many other and/or new people were affecting my life and now again I am back in my phase of not giving a shit about all of it and just care about my work (which is also sometime soon going to change to giving a bulls crap to all of it). I have realized that anything and everything in my life oscillates like a sinusoidal curve. Up and down. starting from money, body weight, excitement, enjoyment, sadness, irritation and happiness. Its been twelve days into another new year and just like a little kid I still feel happy about getting a chance to have a fresh start, fresh perspective on life every 365 days. More than anything the thing about not knowing what is going to happen in the next 365 days gives me goosebumps. Maybe I am maturing with each passing year because for the first time more than making resolutions for the new year I wanted to list down things I learnt from the last year. Its not a recapitulation of all the bad or good things that happened but of the new ways I learnt to live life in a better way. lets start, shall we?

1. I can most definitely live alone. Make food for myself, clothe myself, pamper myself and in the middle of the night make my way across a huge empty dark house to get a glass of water and not just keep lying thirsty in bed.

2. I can adjust and live with completely new people , harmoniously (by which i mean no fist fights) in one house and actually be happy about it.

3. I am strong in ways I didnt know I was. I can turn my face away from the two people I love the most in this world to walk alone into an airport to board an airplane that would take me halfway across the world away from them. I have the strength to disconnect video calls and not go into fits of depression every time.

4. I can make new friends who don’t necessarily hate me. I can actually have fun with them. They even turn up at midnight to wish you birthday!

5. I learnt to deal with death of someone so fucking close to my heart.

6. I started believing even more strongly in miracles. its a miracle alright when you meet someone you could love among-st a thousand strange faces. Someone who gets you and doesn’t judge you one bit.

7. Most importantly I finally understood that its enough if you have two or three people close to your heart, who don’t tear you apart every now and then, you don’t need more. Its really not size that matters, its quality!

I dont know how this year is going to be for me. I am going to make plans again, I am going to give my all again. I am going to try to make the people around me happy again and only hope that this year is even better than the last one with newer places and faces and old ones right here, close to my heart!

love and hugs,

Positive thoughts or just coincidence ?


When I was 5 years old my sister had taught me to wish on a fallen eye lash. Take the fallen eye lash off of your cheek put on your fist, close your eyes, make a wish and blow it away. If you cant see it when you open your eyes your wish will come true. I am 23 years old now and unless I have been too sweaty where I knew the lash is going to stick to my fist and not fly away , I have wished on a fallen eye lash. Believe it or not every wish I have made has come true. In “the-invisible-beings-who-make-your-wish-come-true” ‘s defense , I have never made wishes that cannot come true. Most of then revolved around some exam or some stuck situation in my or some body else’s life and I wished for it to get better. In the last couple of years I have started putting in deadlines for those wishes just to see if its that accurate, turns out it is.

I read this book called Secret by Rhonda Byrne (okay, I did not finish it but I read most of it) , which said if you think about what you want hard enough and strong enough, if you want it bad enough, you will have it, the world will give it to you. The world is shaped by how we think and your thoughts control everything. I did not like the book, seemed so vaguely stupid to me at that time. However I probably was part of a revolutionary group my past life, I have this unfathomable need to prove things wrong when I think they are wrong, I revolt , strong. So I decided to test it out and to my shock that book was not lying. I cannot list out the things (more appropriately situations) here that changed because I wanted it and thought about it strong enough and hard enough ( even wishing on a fallen eye lash on it) but if you have believed what I have written until now, you will believe this one too. I have not studied that kind of science which can define theories like this but being a person, a normal person whose very basic inclination is to not believe a cockamamie theory ends up thinking may be it was all nothing but coincidence. However is it not too coincidental for it to be coincidental so many times!

Think about it!


Monologue from an apparently-not-so-shy girl


” I am not an introvert. I am not an extrovert. I am shy. I can talk to people. I can make them comfortable and sometimes get uncomfortable in the process. I am at ease when the guy or girl in front of me makes the first “small talk”. I am shivering a little less inside then. I like coming out of my shell even if it is completely intimidating sometimes, my shell is not too far away and if it gets too overwhelming I do find my way way back into it. It makes me look completely hormonal probably, switching demeanor like I am on pills. I break into a loud distinct laughter in the middle of a conversation among an impressionable number of people and then get totally embarrassed and keep shut. I do give the first smile, I do say the first “hey”, I can definitely make the first move, I can break the ice, make a foolish statement and just have everybody laughing. However, in the process, I am still trying to overcome my fear, trying to win a fight with myself and proving myself that I am not an introvert, trying to just be courageous and not show that I am trying. And, You know what, it probably works! ”

– Anonymous

My gift to mum


If any of you who are reading this, have read a few of the earlier posts would comprehend by now that I am a little bit into “shitty” humor. So let me warn you, this post might ruin your appetite. I lived at home with parents for about 23 years of my life and never once had to clean the chamber pot in the bathroom. NEVER! I did not live like a princess but yes fortunately I had the good guardian angels with me protecting me from that “shitty” task.

I have lost count of how many times my mum has told me over the years that one day, one fine day, I will understand the importance of living a luxurious life at home, importance of having mum find my stuff for me or organizing stuff for me, importance of basically everything that I was supposed to do but did not do because I had mum one scream away. I am pretty sure almost every other kid at home has heard this from their parents when they complained about having to listen to them and especially having to abide by curfew.

In two months of living away from family and mum , yesterday for the first time in my life I cleaned the chamber pot in the bathroom , like with a brush , with my hand and all (no robot hands etc). I thought of my mum at least about 50 times and how happy (ecstatic / overjoyed / satisfied ) she would be to see me with my hands (holding a brush ) inside the toilet, scraping it! I could literally hear her say “one day you will have to do every thing on your own, even cleaning the pot and you will know the importance of living at home with your parents, and you would think to yourself may be curfew wasn’t all that bad!” I also remember her telling me that right then I would take it in from my right ear and let it out from my left but one day all her words would come back to me . I kept laughing thinking about it. However I do have to disagree on one thing, I do understand how living at home was so much more comfortable , a world where I didn’t have to clean the toilet but I would choose that over a curfew any day! I know its new right now and so I am enjoying it (even cleaning the pot) , as mum had said, initially I would enjoy it and later get tired of it (how do mums know everything?!) , even these words are going to come back to me later again, but for now, I am likin’ it! So mommy, because it was your birthday yesterday, my gift to you was that I cleaned the pot and enjoyed it!

Love and Hugs

When a candle burns all night


Yesterday night I had a candle burning in my room all night and when I woke up my whole room was lit up from the glow of one tiny candle and smelled of wild flowers. After about two months I slept so well in this new place and woke up feeling something, that I could change my life at any time , at any point of time I want. I can stop talking to people who hurt me, and to the ones who play hot and cold with me ( I had never liked that game even as a child ) , I can just care less and enjoy this tiny little insignificant amount of time I have to spend living in this world. I actually have that power in my hands, to give it a serious try to shape how I want my life to be. It is after all up to me. Sounds like I am high right? May be I am, not on booze or drugs though, just on the candle which burnt all night.

Yesterday night I went to bed thinking today I am going to write about the eternal game of sexes that begins every time a boy tries to woo a girl or vice versa. The first level being “lets see who texts first ” the next one being ” lets see who calls first ” and then the most torturous level of the hot and cold game which slowly unravels if the other person is really into the person whose trying to woo or not. The levels keep getting harder and more painful yet every person goes through it so willingly.

However today I don’t want to write about it anymore. I am going to the everglades later and that’s all I know about my day. I am not going to try to figure out anything more. I might think a little bit more about my candle. It gave me a fresh perspective on life. It did make me think that if I could change the way I sleep with just a candle burning in my room all night I could definitely change my life for the better with that same flame burning inside me longer than a night and stronger than before.